mona lisa smiles

its christmas eve
so tell me why i am neither smiling nor feeling the festive cheer
tell me why my heart is heavy and tears are brimming at my eyes

you just always have to spoil everything
and nothing i do will ever be good enough cos all you see are only the times i have let you down.
i am not you
i am not like you
everyone in this freaking house just keeps on complaining about how upset they are how hurt they are
how much i have made them upset
or about how selfish i am being preoccupied with my own life
and disregard everyone else in this HOUSE (not home)
just because i remain silent and choose not to confront anyone
it doesnt mean that i am the only one that is unwounded and complete.

you say i treat you as secondary
then perhaps maybe when i am home and around try to make and effort to talk to me
and tell me again why i bother reshuffling my schedule with my friends or cancelling appointments to pick you up from work?
you see my friends are evidently so important to me

if would see the world through your eyes
would you then try to see the world through mine?